sta khete kay dazay kee kee

jan 3

I don't know what to say to people anymore. All my life I've desired a minimum level of good human interaction. I've never gotten it for long times. Large parts of my life, filled with meaningful events and things for me, but no one else was there to observe or even know those things. There are so many barriers between other people and me. maybe i have set up walls myself in my head which i'm unaware of , but i just can't get through to anyone except in occasional moments or if they're a good friend.

I've been feeling so lonely lately. i thought the meds had taken away loneliness. but this one is a new kind. i feel like bursting into a crowded room and yelling 'i want to love you all and you all love me back' or something like that. with no net, i'm cut off from lifelines. all that feeling going to waste. drifting further away from the reality i'm loving more and more each day. it's other people that makes us attach any meaning to things we consider important to ourselves. if there were no other people on earth but you, would you want to write beautiful poems or beautiful paintings or music or any kind of art. or would you think all those things don't mean so much anymore? if you can't share your basic ideas about love and humans with other people, do those ideas have any meaning? i don't know. but i want to give them meaning and so they do have meaning. my thc is almost finished :(